The Homemaking Warrior

For Better or For Worse

If your living and breathing it is innevitable that there will be twists and turns, hills and vallys, and bumps along the way. I think we all know things would go wrong and it would get hard from time to time.For me, I never thought that a few years into marriage my health would crumble and everything would change for the rest of our lives. We quickly learned that “for better or for worse” had a totally different meaning.

Vows put to the test

It’s one of those things you think will never happen to you, and then it does. Out of no where, your hit with the unimaginable.

One evening, I thought I had come down with the stomach bug, but that bug never went away. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Crohns Disease and a life of so many unexpected circumstances. My husband didn’t sign up for this and he certainly had no idea how to handle a chronicly ill wife. It took those words, for better or for worse, to a whole other level before either of us turned the age of 30.

We were really thrown for a loop again when I had a stroke just two years after the Crohns diagnosis. The previous two years were a cake walk compared to what we faced after the stroke.

It was at that point my husband really honed in on how to care for me. Today, I can say, He has gotten to the point where he just knows what to do and I don’t even have to say anything. It took a while to get to that point. Communicating well and a lot of grace was necessary, but now it’s such a blessing in times when I just need him to know with out saying a word. Obviously, neither of us are perfect at it, but in times of emergency it’s a life saver, quiet literally.

In This Together

No matter how well we plan, life will throw us curveballs. Thankfully, God designed us to have a helpmate to get through lifes ups and downs together. Someone to experience the joys of life with, but also the sorrows. Someone to lean on in times of trouble. Someone to help ease the load. Someone to cheer us on and encourage us to be the best we can be. Someone to dream with, laugh with, and cry with.

Sometimes when we go through the worst of times, it feels lonely. Like its just the two of you against the world, but I think there are also times you have this feeling like you can conquer anything together. You know deep down that you’ll get through this and better days will come.

A Lesson To Learn

For some, it may come naturally to know how to care for someone, but for some there is a learning curve. It can be a hard transition from living with mom and dad to living with your spouse. You may think that the other person just naturally knows what to do and how to comfort you. Let’s be honest, I know I did. I had moments when I literally had to ask myself why is he not doing anything? Why can’t he see the need and just do it? It finally dawned on me that I never opened my mouth and told him. Why did I think he was a mind reader? Why did I think this would come naturally to him? When I started communicating my needs, he was more than willing to follow through to make me more comfortable.

Our Experience

I think there are some circumstances where that instict will kick in naturally, but maybe only for some. For example, I will share our experience. When I had the stroke and I was in the hospital, it was like living in a fish bowl. The nurses became very aware of how my husband cared for me. We had a few people tell us how cute we were and how they could tell we really loved eachother. It was very evident to them with how my husband cared for me. The most astounding thing we heard from one of the staff was that they had never seen anyone care for a spouse the way he did for me, especially at our age. That hostly made me sad to think about.

Tips For Caring For Your Spouse

If you want to care for your spouse better when hard times come, here are a few tips that have helped us along the way. The first tip to keep in mind is to try putting yourself in the other persons shoes. This is especially necessary if your spouse is not one to communicate what they need, even if you ask them. At that point, we have to be in tune to how the other person may be feeling. You have to think of yourself going through the same thing your spouse is going through and ask yourself the following questions:

If I was feeling this way, what would bring me comfort?
How would I want to be treated?
What would help relieve my stress?

Love Languages

I think it’s also helpful to know eachothes love language(s). A book by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages is a great resourse that gives a better understanding of them. A great blog post by Crated with Love also summarizes the five love languages. I think if you know your spouse’s love language then it does help in knowing how to care for them in hard times.

For example, if they are going through a stressful time at work and their love language is words of affirmation, then affirming their positive attibutes and pointing out their stregths can do wonders. If your spouse is one to openly share their feelings and their love language is quality time, probably the most helpful thing you could do is turn off all the distractions, put down your phone and tune in to them. Another example, if their love language is acts of service and they are going through a stressful time or maybe not feeling well physically, would be to look around and see if there is any chores that need to be down that they usually do.

When I was going through health struggles, there is nothing that made me feel the weight lifted off my shoulders more than when my husband did the dishes or a load of laundry with out being asked.

Better For It

As hard as that season in our lives was with my health issues, our marriage is better for it. I still don’t have all the answers and this may just be the tip of the iceburge, but I hope this was helpful. I wanted to do a post that was marriage related in honor of our 10 year anniversary. The last ten years haven’t been anything we ever imagined. I can say these years grew our faith.. Stregthened our bond. Stretched us beyond what we thought we were capable of. Molded us into who we are today. Aged us a liitle faster than we would have like. haha But mostly thwy taught us how to care for eachother better. Through thick and thin. Sickness and in heath. For better or for worse.

I have found that homemaking, managing your home, is easier when our home is simplified. Simplifying, or simple living, to me means to minimize the amount of stuff we have in our home. This past year, I really got “tough on our stuff”. I’ve de-cluttered before, just like we all do from time to time, but this time was different. I went beyond the obvious question, “Have I used this in the last year?”. I switched my mindset and changed the normal way of thinking. It wasn’t easy. It took time and energy. The task of simplifying can be time consuming and a bit overwhelming, so it helps to focus on how it could benefit your life. Below are seven reasons for simple living that I believe makes the process worth it. They are reasons for simple living to keep in mind as you consider starting or may be you’ve already started and need some motivation.

7 Reasons Why Simple Living Is Worth It. — Reasons that make simple living worth it.

Reasons for Simple Living

Know what you have and where it is: When you’re not having to spend the time searching for something, it saves time, energy, and your sanity. When someone in your household asks you where something is, you will be able to tell them exactly where it is or if you even have it in your home. It cuts out time and frustration for everyone involved. I love it when I can tell my husband the exact location of something and he finds it with out me helping him.
Less to manage: To me that means, having less stuff to deal with, less to keep up with, and less to clean. It shortens the to do list and makes tiding up faster. It also makes it less likely for your home to become overwhelmingly messy. The stuff we own requires some sort of up keep or attetion. Even the stuff that is just being stored needs our attention eventutally. I think a big role that plays into having less to manage, is having certain systems in place. The key is starting with less, and then organizing into systems that keeo things functioning smoothly.
Cut out the shuffling game: Do you find yourself moving things from place to place instead of dealing with it? Does it feel like a burden every time you come across it? Is it stuff you just don’t know what to do with with? That, my friend, is the shuffling game and not a fun one to play! Dealing with the stuff and never having to touch it or deal with it again brings freedom to your life.
Everything gets used: We’re all guilty of keeping things because we think we might use it one day, right? The truth is, if we aren’t using it now we probably won’t. We feel like we can’t part with it because we spent money on it. Wouldn’t it be better to let someone else enjoy it or utilize it instead of letting it sit in a closet? There are exceptions to this, obviously, but when it comes to things we wear or use in the kitchen, for example, its time to let it go.
More time to do other things: We all wish we had more time in a day, don’t we? Obviously, we can’t change that. The only thing we can change is how we use our time. Once you simplify, you will have more time to do the things you really want to do. Like I said above, systems can be a huge game changer in this as well.
Less stress, more peace: Take a moment. Close your eyes. Picture what your home would look like with less stuff around you. Do you feel the stress melt away? Did you know that a cluttered home actually causes high levels of cortisol, the stress hormone? It’s actually better for your health to have a tidy, less cluttered home. What a gift you can give to your entire family!
Save money: I can tell you from experience that simplifying has changed my mind set. My desire to buy things has decreased. I am not quick to go out and buy something. Instead, I try to find something I already have that will work. It also saves money when you don’t re-buy something you already have but can’t find it or forgot you had it.

I hope these reasons for simple living were helpful and resonate with you. I hope that they motivate you to get started or help you to keep going. It truly has changed our lives and has been worth the time and energy.

Simplifying Tip

One tip I will leave with you is this: If you feel like you don’t have the time, just start with one drawer or cabnet. Set a timer for five minutes or turn on your favorite song. You will be amazed at how much you can get done in just a couple minutes. Make sure to have a garbage bad handy and a box for donations. You can do this, friends!

For Better Or For Worse